Joined: 02/November/2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 26
Topic: AVO..... Help Help Help! Posted: 02/November/2009 at 18:21
Me and my partner had an arugment cuz i wanted to take our kid outside to play he said i cant cuz one day he asked me to take him out and i refused.We dont take our kid anywhere unless we both agree; especially cuz we moved to a new town and we dont know the town really well but at that time i was in a bad mood i couldnt take no for an answer so i started shouting and yelling at him.I took all his clothes and through them on the floor. While i was shouting at him he was looking for his work clothes he was really confused he came near me and said (dont shout talk and say whatever u want but dont shout) so i start shouting harder he said to (stop cuz i only have 10 mintues to work and look to what you did to his clothes i cant even find my work clothes). So he punched me with close fits it didnt hurt me but when i wake up it was a small brooze on my arm. So i called the police the police said if i dont file for an AVO then they will so they did. when we went to court i withdrawal my avo.
*He doesnt want to tell me whats going on with him in court cuz he said not to worry about it by the way everthing is all right with us right now it was just a very stupied mistake i made when i called the police cuz he is so nice i cant believe i called the police. i mean hes supporting me with everything i dont even work.
my question is whats will happen to my partner is he gonna go to jail or something?
all i know he paid like 100 dolllers to the court but theres a form in his wallet called (notice of continuance of bail) anyone knows what does that mean?
and my second question is he gonna do community work or pay more money?
please who ever experience this or know anything to write me.
Joined: 02/March/2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 1792
Posted: 02/November/2009 at 18:34
Nancy go and get some marriage counseling, obviously your partner and you have a communication problem that is not going away. I don't think he will go to jail, but next time if he hits you hard enough he might and you might be dead. Take heed and work on this now, because nothing changes if you just ignore it. Relationships Australia and Lifeline are two agencies who can help. Lifeline 131114 Relationships Australia web site.
Call or go along yourself first and act on what the counselor says, he may wish you to bring your partner in for a subsequent visit.
Good luck, remember if things don't change they'll stay as they are.
I am NOT a lawyer. Anything said is NOT legal advice.
Joined: 02/November/2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 26
Posted: 02/November/2009 at 18:37
Thank u Martin for ur reply but my partner is not abuseing me he never put hand on anyone before but when i got him mad he didnt really wanted to hit me he did it accidently.
but thank u for the advise
Joined: 02/March/2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 1792
Posted: 02/November/2009 at 18:57
Originally posted by Nancy
*He doesnt want to tell me whats going on with him in court cuz he said not to worry about it.
Nancy, the above is a classic example of a communication problem, equal partners share everything with the other and talk about it together, carrying all this on his own shoulders is a recipe for disaster.
Originally posted by Nancy
when i got him mad he didnt really wanted to hit me he did it accidently.
Making excuses for violence is another classic example of a relationship in trouble.
You have the opportunity to strike while the iron is hot, again, go and see a counselor, humour me, go and tell the counselor, "this idiot on Aussie Legal said I should come along and see you", and the two of you can have a laugh at my expense.
I am NOT a lawyer. Anything said is NOT legal advice.
Joined: 16/April/2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 482
Posted: 02/November/2009 at 19:15
The continuance of bail means he is still on bail.
And more than likely, he will end up with an AVO against him. He won't go to jail as it's not a criminal offence.
BadCop Watch: Australia's most informative website on cops gone bad...
Joined: 19/July/2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 114
Posted: 02/November/2009 at 21:01
Nancy they do that so that they can avoid being called out to your house on a regular basis to settle domestics.Moral of the story is don't involve the police unless you really have to,sounds like you've learnt your lesson on that one.Your partner can put his side of the story forward at the court hearing,that it was more a push than a punch,and only in an effort to get to his cloathes and remove himself from the situation. You can explain that in the heat of the moment you may have over exagerated,that it was only a push.
Joined: 02/November/2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 26
Posted: 02/November/2009 at 21:20
thanks rjm for ur reply but the problem is they never ask for me in court only the first hearing they did. like if is up to me i would just go to court and told them is all my fault. yeah i learned my lessson i wish i could take it back.
Joined: 03/July/2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 207
Posted: 03/November/2009 at 00:48
Please do not keep trying to ignore or make excuses for the problems that the two of you are having. He shouldnt have assaulted you but at the same time, there is a clear trust problem, when you cant trust each other to take your child out alone. If you want to take your child to the park, you should not need his permission and vice versa. Ignoring this problem means that you are negligent in your duties as a parent.
Joined: 19/July/2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 114
Posted: 03/November/2009 at 09:38
Definately need some relationship counseling.Go sign up immediately so that it's obvious that you're both being proactive about improving your behaviour towards each other.
Of course even a push isn't acceptable however i feel for Men in these situations,it tends to be a bit one sided.If your partner tried to have you charged for assault for pushing him i dare say the police would laugh at him.
Joined: 02/November/2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 26
Posted: 03/November/2009 at 22:29
shoeverine thanks for ur reply but dont judge a book by it covers of course i need his permission to take our kid out, because i told him before dont take our kid out unless u ask me and i wont take him out unless i ask u because we just moved to a new town. we are doing what we can to make our kid have the best life we want to send him to pritive school and when he grow up when ever he ask for something i always want to porvide it for him i dont want to dispoint him. well if ur parent u would know what i mean, parents work day and night for the kids.
Joined: 03/July/2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 207
Posted: 04/November/2009 at 18:14
Originally posted by Nancy
shoeverine thanks for ur reply but dont judge a book by it covers of course i need his permission to take our kid out, because i told him before dont take our kid out unless u ask me and i wont take him out unless i ask u because we just moved to a new town. we are doing what we can to make our kid have the best life we want to send him to pritive school and when he grow up when ever he ask for something i always want to porvide it for him i dont want to dispoint him. well if ur parent u would know what i mean, parents work day and night for the kids.
Try not to be offended but.............you should be judged. If you are going to raise a child, you must have trust in your partners ability to make good judgements and vice versa. Your system of each parent having a veto vote like you are the UN or something, is poor parenting. Children who are exposed to domestic violence have extraordinarily greater chances of becoming involved in violent families of their own. Ignoring the trust and communication issues that exist in your household, is a clear example of your poor judgement.
It's obvious that you didnt post here to be judged. Perhaps you are making your best effort to be a good parent. If you are then I commend you. However, you will be doing a poor job of it if you remain wilfully ignorant.
Joined: 02/November/2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 26
Posted: 04/November/2009 at 20:51
Originally posted by shoeverine
Originally posted by Nancy
shoeverine thanks for ur reply but dont judge a book by it covers of course i need his permission to take our kid out, because i told him before dont take our kid out unless u ask me and i wont take him out unless i ask u because we just moved to a new town. we are doing what we can to make our kid have the best life we want to send him to pritive school and when he grow up when ever he ask for something i always want to porvide it for him i dont want to dispoint him. well if ur parent u would know what i mean, parents work day and night for the kids.
Try not to be offended but.............you should be judged. If you are going to raise a child, you must have trust in your partners ability to make good judgements and vice versa. Your system of each parent having a veto vote like you are the UN or something, is poor parenting. Children who are exposed to domestic violence have extraordinarily greater chances of becoming involved in violent families of their own. Ignoring the trust and communication issues that exist in your household, is a clear example of your poor judgement.
It's obvious that you didnt post here to be judged. Perhaps you are making your best effort to be a good parent. If you are then I commend you. However, you will be doing a poor job of it if you remain wilfully ignorant.
oh no i wasn't offended at all shoeverine. thats the problem a push called demestic violence and i dont believe in that i think in my opoinion the police should react if it happened a second time but i think u got the picture wrong when u said (Children who are exposed to domestic violence have extraordinarily greater chances of becoming involved in violent families of their own. Ignoring the trust and communication issues that exist in your household, is a clear example of your poor judgement) i mean one time arugment could make u write all that and call it demestic vilence.Logically thinking who doesnt argue lets face it if nobody aruge in this world then whats those scary thing u watch on tv all the time.
Joined: 10/August/2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 53
Posted: 04/November/2009 at 21:36
If you didnt think he did anything wrong why did you call the police? The police don't let you change your mind once you and your partner have made happy families again, if they let everyone change their mind they would get called out to the same domestic situations again and again and nothing would ever get done to fix it.
Joined: 02/November/2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 26
Posted: 04/November/2009 at 22:04
Originally posted by Jewlesy
If you didnt think he did anything wrong why did you call the police? The police don't let you change your mind once you and your partner have made happy families again, if they let everyone change their mind they would get called out to the same domestic situations again and again and nothing would ever get done to fix it.
jewlesy okay im gonna ask you a question and i want u to think before u answer my question...why did u answer my question? well thats the same reason i called the police to be honest i thought they only gonna advise us not make us go to court three times. okay do u know by doing that the police will prevent ppl from calling in the future even if they are having problems. again as i said bfore they should react second time and not the first time.
*i didnt write my question to be judged by you guys i wrote to get answers but i appriate ur opinions.
*please anybody knows anything about my questions to write me!
Joined: 20/September/2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 31
Posted: 04/November/2009 at 23:39
Nancy, an AVO is not a criminal offence, it will drop off usually after two years, and no he wont go to jail. The police and courts will proceed with the AVO even if you oppose it because thats the legislation and policy of the government these days. Its the Nanny state syndrome. Too much interference in peoples lives.
On the other hand its long overdue, domestic violence was spiraling out of control in Australia and the government has reacted with a heavy hand approach. The sad part is that heavy handed approach is targetted at men only. Women almost seem to have been given a green light to be domesticlly violent.
Nancy, these days, you cannot argue, you cannot raise your voice, you cannot throw things, you cannot be agressive, because its all domestic violence.
Dont worry Nancy, all this will pass. Time heals everything...im sure you and your husband will be just fine. I wish you both all the best.
Joined: 23/October/2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 25
Posted: 05/November/2009 at 13:34
Nancy, I am not trying to be judgemental but I can't help making an observation here. You could probably really benefit from some further education, it will empower you to make a lot more of your life and make you much more able to help your children in their education. I realise I am reading between the lines heavily but I detect from what you've written a woman who is rather insecure and has poor self esteem and may not in future be able to stand up for herself. Perhaps you would have more confidence if you had some more education and could express yourself better. Please consider it.
regarding the AVO, the police have the ability to obtain one whether you want it or not, in future if there is a problem and they are called out by you or anyone else it means they can deal more effectively with repeat offenders. If you both get some help with effective communication it is far less likely to happen again so you have already got some great advice from the others and probably nothing to worry about for your partner if you do take their advice.
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AVO..... Help Help Help!
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jewlesy okay im gonna ask you a question and i want u to think before u answer my question...why did u answer my question? well thats the same reason i called the police to be honest i thought they only gonna advise us not make us go to court three times. okay do u know by doing that the police will prevent ppl from calling in the future even if they are having problems. again as i said bfore they should react second time and not the first time.
