Joined: 06/November/2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 2
QuoteReplyTopic: Beginning of Separation ... Posted: 06/November/2009 at 15:52
My relationship with my wife has gone totally sour for many reasons and I am going to initiate a separation. We have a 4.5 yr old child.
Once I raise the topic, she will probably pack her bags and storm out of the house taking our child with her.
1. Can I stop her from taking the child out of the house ?
2. As she's from overseas originally (and a PR), she will most likely head straight to the airport and take a flight home. Can I stop her from taking my child out of the country ? Do I do that by calling the police or airport customs ?
3. Can she chase me out of the house if I don't want to leave ?
4. I have read of cases of false DVO being used as a weapon in a split - true or not. My wife has slapped me twice (while I was carrying my child!) and I have never laid a hand on her. Should I be lodging a DVO immediately an a preemptive measure to protect myself ? I wouldn't put lodging a false DVO past my wife who can be quite scornful
5. Are there any tips that I can take to prepare myself before I raise the topic ?
DOn't u dare lodge a DVO without absolute proof that she harmed u, I'm afraid a slap probably won't fly in court considering ur a man. The moment u start doing dvo's without proof u will be seen as being hostile in family court proceedings which is a really bad look.
When u tell her this you need to be either holding ur child if u don't think she will be violent or have the child with a trusted family member that u know she won't dare attack to take the child.
SHe is obviously a flight risk. Does she have a passport for your child? If not she can't obtain one without your signature and consent. Calling the police will do no good at all even if she was at the airport with ur child now, they are unable to act without court orders. Nor can airport customs do anything. Your first step BEFORE seperation needs to be that u lodge a urgent order to stop ur wife from travelling interstate/overseas with ur child I believe u would be able to obtain this considering that she would definently be a flight risk and wouldn't be willing to return with the child from overseas? WHat country is she from? Some countries are protected by the Hague convention which will mean that if she does leave with the child then that country and australia can FORCE her to bring the child back however other countries ie; middle eastern countries are NOT involved in the Hague convention and she can't be forced to return the child. Still if she took ur child to any country it could prove very difficult to have her tracked down. So u have to pre empt this.
You have to see a solicitor immedietly and ask for help. You need to ask him to ensure your child is put on a AIRPORT WATCH list.
I wish u all the best and hope against hope u are able to prevent her from leaving the country with child.
She can force you out of the home if she calls the police but if she does this I would ask the police to ensure that YOU take the child as she is a flight risk
Many relationships go through rough patches, opting for a separation right away is probably jumping the gun. Perhaps some family counseling should be your first point of call. Relationships Australia are available in many centres and there are other organisations who provide such counseling. Telephone counseling is available through Lifeline ph. 131114
The first step would be to make an appointment and go along yourself, and if the counselor believes the relationship can be salvaged they will invite your partner along, either for a session with her alone or a joint session with you, depending on the circumstances in your case, you may both need to go back for further sessions.
Do not make false domestic violence claims, this will backfire on you, and it certainly will not help resolve the situation, as Maddiej says above.
Should she leave at any time with the child, immediately see a solicitor so a custody and access hearing can be organised, the solicitor will put in place steps to ensure the child is not removed from the country.
She cannot make you leave the house, nor can you make her, neither can you prevent her taking the child from the house if she does leave, but your custody and access case will quickly sort out where the child lives etc.
Good luck should you attempt to reestablish a good relationship with her, you will see from reading this forum the difficulties others have when they separate, some work now may save you much heartache and expense in the future.
I am NOT a lawyer. Anything said is NOT legal advice.
I must say I agree with Martino on this one. If there is any chance of salvaging the relationship I would be doing everything in my power ie; councelling to do so. Seperation with children involved is so incredibly stressfull and heartbreaking for everyone involved that it should b avoided if at all possible. Read my story on interstate visitation.
Thanks for the advice. I have been searching high and low at many websites - e.g. Mensline, Family Law, etc - for details on what really happens at the beginning of a Separation (e.g. 1st 48 hours or so). There's a lot of spiel about high level stuff but nothing practical that may relate to a real life experience. So your replies are very much appreciated.
My wife is from Singapore and very much a flight risk. She grew up in SG so her family and friends are all there. So it looks like I'll have to engage a lawyer before I raise the topic of separation.
Any tips on the process of choosing a lawyer ? I don't know anyone who has gone through a divorce so I have no recommendations. I did an internet search and found quite a few. I have no idea which is better than the other or what questions to ask to determine so.
Gosh, choosing a solicitor is a difficult thing to do. What I did was do all the research I could on the current family law act that was brought into effect in 2006? I then made a appointment with a solicitor who had a expensive looking advert in the yellow pages ( I figured that a law firm with a lot of money was more likely to employ the best solicitors around) don't know if that's true but kind of made sense to me. I then asked as many questions as I could think off at the initial appointment and tried to figure out whether they really knew their stuff or if they were just telling me what I wanted to hear. Be guided by your solicitors advice as they usually do know what they are doing.
What state are you in? I know of a fabulous family law solicitor in Victoria as well as one in Tasmania. Unfortuantly internet research on a solicitor doesn't seem to tell you a lot unless they have been found guilty of misconduct.
Separation is extremely difficult and when children are involved even harder! As you have mentioned getting good information can be difficult, it may be helpful to check out my website www.twohomes.com.au. I created this site specifically to help parents like you and me through this tough time.
Getting legal advice is always a good move but can be extremely expensive. If you let us know where your based im sure the forum will be able to provide you with a range of legal options (free and paid).
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